Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
