I must be too annoying 4 u.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
