toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
