You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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