If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
