Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
