every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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