Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My ATM looks so different sober.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
