addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
