just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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