I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
