I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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