He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it because I queefed?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
