If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
