I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
