I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
