OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
