Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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