I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I AM VODKA MAN
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
