Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
