Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
smell my finger.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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