Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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