I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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