FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
