who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
