If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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