is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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