Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
