I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
