Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
