and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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