Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
