I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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