as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
