Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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