I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
