You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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