walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
