So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
