return my video game
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
