then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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