He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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