yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
