If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
