Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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