I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
