I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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