I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
