If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
