I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
