all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
